canadian history

baw hawbaw, maine, oil on canvas, 30"x30"

dear russian friends,

wtf is a distinctly canadian expression that has its origins in the 1950's. it stands for william the first who's full name was william gateway, but was called bill gateway by his friends, generally acknowledged, recognized as the first person to incorporate motion harvesting technology into common, everyday living. his enterprising suburban housing concepts were never built during his lifetime but his designs have been recently reconstructed at the finnegans wake centre for quirks and quarks. wtf invented a method to translate the energy from human locomotion into electrical energy which could then be stored, utilized by everyday appliances. to do this he envisioned houses that had rubber tempered flooring that subtly shifted under the weight of anything that was pressed, influenced into its surface. the energy of the motion was hooked up to collection cells and stored as potential, usable energy. wtf's dwellings served not only the purpose of creating and translating energy systems but also provided physical fitness for the inhabitants. how? well have you ever noticed how subtly difficult it is to walk on the beach, on sand? well, imagine walking on a floor that slightly moved under your feet with each step. wtf calculated that a housewife in the 1950's, during her normal routine of ironing, cleaning, cooking would use up approximately 200 calories per hour. with his system of rubberized, movable flooring, the same house wife would double her calorie use, what's more, the same energy that she expended would not be wasted, would be translated, stored for future consumption. sadly, his ideas were never recognized as being feasible and he died along side woody guthrie in a old folks home for people who were considered societally inept,  brilliantly astute social commentarians.

as for your other question, who is man with rhyming name jack kerouac?  the answer is something you would never find in the history books or google. jack kerouac is known only amongst the members of my own family. he was the "crazy uncle" that everyone loved, no-one understood. one summer in the 1950's uncle jack set out on a quest:
he hitch-hiked and would go only as far as the person who picked him up would take him. then he would cross the road, hitch-hike in the opposite direction, again would go only as far as the person who picked him up would take him. jack did this for 39 straight days, back, forth, back and forth. in that period of time he covered 3,900 kilometers. the most curiously compelling component to this quest was that after all of his backness and forthness he ended up in the same place that he began his journey. uncle jack said it was a research experiment proving his karma-sutra-quantics theory, which is a theory that no-one understands, unfortunately also a theory whose definition died with him, which happened when he was crossing the road to get to the other side, was side-swiped by a woman on a scooter who was driving desperately to her lover, texting to her husband that she was never coming back. it was a kind of tragi-comdey, but at the time it was mostly a tragedy.  after getting run over on the road by the fleeing lady on the scooter, uncle jack uttered these final words:
the circumstances of my own death is the final proof needed to substantiate my karma-sutra-quantics theory.

take it easy my russian comrades,

your friend, the unknown canadian artist.



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